I join you on this crisp february afternoon, to share in the joy of flared trousers.

I cannot begin to express the state of glee I have been experiencing since Tuesday afternoon, when after many years of fruitless searching of various shops, experimenting with various styles of lesser trouser, I finally found them.. the NEW trousers which I knew would in fact change my life, or at least the duration for which I will wear one pair of trousers between washing (record so far is 10 days....)

When I say 'flared' I do not mean a boot cut, I do not mean a 'kick flare'.. oh no..

I mean at least 18 inches from seam to seam... I need, should the situation ever arise, to be fully confident that I can use my trousers as an emergency sail should I ever find myself adrift 'pon the ocean, that I could, with some confidence act as an Amnesty worker and smuggle whole families of refugees over the border, to a new life away from their plight of suffering and turmoil. Also to know that with the use of a mild sedative and some gaffer tape, I could conceivably steal several largish animals from the zoo, simply stowing them away about my calves and sauntering innocently through the gates... (frankly I think its about time the Peak district HAD wild Penguins and Pandas reintroduced.. it would make a welcome break from all the Sheep up there)

Ideally then, the flaring process, should start no lower then mid-femur... the fabric should be heavy enough to make a crumphing sound as you skip effortlessly up and down stairs, but light enough to drape and hang in a way that denote you don't have solid triangular legs... a good gauge denim will suffice, but the ultimate is naturally, a pin cord... a cord so soft its like rubbing a kitten, that catches the light with the same ethereal quality of dust on a summers afternoon..

It is with nothing short of supreme smugness then, that I inform you.. I have after years of searching found the very corduroy flares I have dreamt of for 8 long years.

In a world where high street shops don't understand there are still people who go IN at the waist, to find a cut of trouser that fits on your waist AND your hips is something of a marvel. I may never remove these trousers again.. certainly I have no cause for at least 5 pairs of inferior jeans and will be re homing them accordingly, I'll keep my pinstripes - its nice to have a suit, and sometimes being dapper is a necessity

Join me, readers, in an uprising.. let us leave behind this trend for skin tight hemlines, and embrace the freedom and smuggling potential flares can bring your lower legs... meet me on the clifftops, in a a high wind... and tonight, we'll fly.