I am restrained for my own safety, beneath me the real world seems very far away, people like Lilliputians gawp and point..

a voice next to me says 'oh yes, it VERY high, don't look down will you'

and then without a seconds warning we fly, hurtling through the air at speeds I usually reserve for IN my car, up and down, round corners without breaking, and disconcertingly upside down, at this point my lack of stature leads me to lift out of my seat..and I know, implicitly that I am going to die.

I found myself incapable of speech, say for 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' and 'holy fucking SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT' and yet I am grinning, the manic grin of the adrenalin junkie in a state of terrified Ecstasy..

You see, I,timid sensible, quiet the Fanylion, was in answer to the voice over question "brave enough to ride the Kumali" I was also brave enough to ride the Mumbo Jumbo and the Velocity

I wasn't fool enough to ride ANYTHING that would leave my stomach lurching several feet above my head - I can achieve that sensation on hump back bridges and roads prone to subsidence at speeds greater then 35mph.

Theme Parks, I take it ALL back...I DO see the point, it just too stepping forward from 'no chance' to 'why not' and being in the company of a Friend of a friends boys, who would have essentially carried me ONTO rids if I'd so much as faltered in the queue.

I re-awoke the sleeping youth within, and long may she prosper, all it took was enormous amounts of Adrenalin, and the sensation that your heart may yet burst out of your chest for it beats so hard in anticipation.

By the end of the Holiday, we were risking hypothermia by going outdoors in biting winds, but inspite of the disco goths manflu, we still managed to run around the caravan site, hiding from our children (who were indoors with the fuzzyfelt, paying very little attention to the antics of two giddy adults) we relished in having the swimming pool complex to ourselves, and discovered Buckfast.. a peculiar wine, like cough medicine and ribena.. but not actually unpleasant.


However, the Zoo.

Zoo's are loathsome places, miserable animals far from their natural climes looking about as impressed with being in a muddy field in the North of England, as I was with the 'mono rail' the lure of 'you know the ones with Bums' was sufficient though - I presumed the disco goth was referring to Baboons - on account all apes, great or otherwise are in possession of a rectum...
And so, slowly.. in the cold, we encircled the enclosure.. The children and disco goth were impressed by a small newborn baboon... not AS impressed as we were soon to by.. the Disco Goths protegé piped up, 'm-u-u-m is that DEAD monkey'.. 'no its JUST a baby' 'Noooo, THERE'

And there, back arched in rigamortis, arm outstretched and teeth bared in rictus grin it lay 'pon the grass, the small simian cadaver, I managed a very blurred photograph - mono rails are not the ideal point for photography... largely because they move - we went back later on, but in true Baboon style, they'd carted the corpse off with them.


It is one of those moments, where everything you anticipate has been over ruled by the strangest spectacle, and quite WHAT it says about me I shouldn't like to speculate, but I always find dead animals fascinating and quite funny.

Anyway, reader.. I have to go about my business, and poke the cat in the eye to stop her staring at me quite so intently...